Festivus
Celebrated on December 23 by atheists and those fed up with the commercialization of Christmas, Festivus was created by Daniel O’Keefe in the ‘60s. His son, writer Dan O’Keefe, popularized the secular holiday in a 1997 Seinfeld episode, in which George Costanza’s father, Frank, teaches Kramer the traditions of his invented holiday. To decorate, get yourself a Festivus pole. Any aluminum pole will do, though there is a dedicated website, too. This should remain unadorned, particularly of tinsel. Clear away the furniture to make room for the Feats of Strength, a kind of wrestling match against the head of the household. If no one gets hurt, it’s a Festivus miracle! Position a jar near the front door labeled “The Human Fund, Money for People.” Pipe in some traditional (?) Festivus music and air your grievances over a meal of H&H bagels.
Robanukah
Supposedly the holiest two weeks for robots, this Futurama holiday was made up by Bender to get out of work. Is it a little over-the-top to have an oil drum in honor of the holiday’s origins? Yes. Instead, just make a big “Happy Robanukah” banner and grab an old-school tape player for the robot dance party. Make a “menorah” by sticking candles in liquor bottles. Invite your Roomba.
Decemberween
Exactly 55 days after Halloween comes Decemberween. The Homestar Runner holiday is much like Christmas, in that it’s celebrated on December 25; people exchange gifts, bake cookies, and decorate with Santamen. Office supplies hot glued to seashells and figurines of snowmen surfing the Internet look great on the tree. Appropriate presents include gift cards for fashion and DVDs about space shows. In a nod to the holiday’s Old-Timey origins, you can also decorate with piles of stuffed rats.
Bobunk
Bobunk comes to us from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Never heard of Bobunk, you say? That’s because Salem the cat accidentally erased the grand late-November holiday. No matter. People now treat Bobunk as a celebration of food, liquor, and cats — all things we can get behind. Decorate with anything cat-shaped (like this wine-bottle holder) including food. If only those cat-shaped marshmallows were available!
Treat Yourself Day
Clothes, fragrances, and fine leather goods are all a part of Donna and Tom’s Treat Yourself Day on Parks and Recreation. Since Tom’s apartment seems to be filled with the goods accrued from several decades worth of TYDs, we suggest you follow his decorating inspiration: amenities everywhere. A soft blanket for every seat and endless coconut water in the fridge. Refreshments should include cheese plates with Adriatic figs and Treat Yourself Cupcakes. In the bathroom, leave out classy toiletries, unisex cologne, chocolate-covered almonds, and a Sudoko book. Of course, DJ Roomba will provide the music.
Merlinpeen
Followers of Verdukianism celebrate the 30 Rock holiday of mouth pleasure, Merlinpeen. Not much is known about the holiday, which was invented by three of Liz Lemon’s “nerds” to avoid a Secret Santa drawing. When celebrating, we suggest you decorate with a bowl of meat cubes, a picture of Jimmy Connors, empty pizza boxes, and the ticket stubs from the movie you left work early to see. Good Merlinpeen to you. You bring me such pizza.
Chrismakkah
Unlike the other holidays, The O.C.’s Chrismakkah is two holidays in one: Christmas and Hanukkah. Young Seth Cohen grew up with a Jewish father and Christian mother; he took the strengths of both traditions and formed one super holiday. It’s eight days with one present, followed by one day with many presents. Both a tree, with a couple of dreidel ornaments, and menorah are appropriate, as are Yamaclauses — yarmulkes that look like Santa hats. Because Hanukkah ends on December 24 this year, many interfaith households probably look like this already. Go ahead. Hang that Star of David stocking!
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